Impressions

• Page:
• Part 4
• Part 3
• Part 2
• Part 1

72-1

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

72.

A.

How fatal it has been that all the women have ruled the men right out of their masculinity, independence, courage, will and at last, brains even.

[ Walker Evans, photographer (and homosexual), reflecting on a visit to a reunion of his mother's relatives, in the biography "Walker Evans," by James R. Mellow. ]

B.

An auto-erotically motivated bisexuality might then be said to be universal among the young of these several species and certainly, as by Stekel, to characterize civilized man.

[ Harry Stack Sullivan, M.D., "Personal Psychopathology," W. W. Norton & Company, Inc., New York, 1972, 1965, p. 235. ]

C.

The weaker the ego, the more likely it is that the lust will be experienced as a function not of the self but of the introject - as something alienly lustful and further contradictory of the person's own sexual identity, such that the boy may sense a lustful female within him, or the girl, a lustful male.

[ Harold F. Searles, M.D., "Collected Papers on Schizophrenia and Related Subjects," International Universities Press, New York, 1965, p. 435. ]

D.

It may be that he [or she] prehends the hostility of the woman [or man] and finds himself [herself] utterly impotent.

[ Harry Stack Sullivan, M.D., "Personal Psychopathology," W. W. Norton & Company, Inc. New York, 1972, 1965, p. 192. ]

E.

In schizophrenia, on the other hand, attempts to solve the bisexual problem and still remain in contact with reality fail. Therefore, in its deepest nature, schizophrenia arises from a bisexual conflict, and this conflict eventually leads to a state where the heterosexual factor is relinquished.

[ "The Importance of the Non-Psychotic Part of the Personality in Schizophrenia," Maurits Katan, M.D., International Journal of Psycho-Analysis, No. 35, p. 121. ]

F.

More than thirty years of intensive investigation of these problems permits me to make the general statement that in man every case of emotional neurosis or psychosis is the result of more or less conflict and confusion involving bisexual differentiation...Dementing schizophrenia is essentially a regression to the cloacal level of hermaphrodism.

[ Edward J. Kempf, M.D., "Bisexual Factors in Curable Schizophrenia," (presented at the annual meeting of the American Psychiatric Association, May 18, 1948), Journal of Abnormal and Social Psychology, Vol. 44, 1949. ]

71.

     These observations illuminate one meaning of the futility of the dependence-independence struggle of the schizophrenic [male or female]. It is his belief, based upon his observations, that if he should improve and become well in the normal sense, his mother would become psychotic. He is aware that, so long as he stays in the hospital and is treated as an infant, mother is somehow secure in that he does not belong to someone else or really get away from her. Were he to become fantastically well, as required in fantasies and expectations, he is aware he would actually be a paranoid psychotic himself. It seems that these patients prefer to carry the illness, which, as they see it, legitimately emanates from, and, were they to drop it, would return to their mothers.
     There is much more which could be learned about the mothers of schizophrenic patients, and it is good to note that currently a great deal more attention is being paid them than has heretofore been granted. It has been assumed that they were practically inaccessible to treatment - first, because they would not recognize that they were sick, and, second, because they defended themselves against this recognition in order not to suspect that the child's illness had something to do with his experience of them. However, I have known of a few mothers of very sick schizophrenic patients who have, for some reason, submitted themselves to prolonged, intensive psychotherapy. They have in the course of that therapy eventually become able to consider their own psychotic potentialities and, as it were, to lift the burden of carrying these from their children. In these instances patients who otherwise could not have been expected to improve made striking improvement and workable extra hospital adjustments. It does not seem likely that any large number of the mothers of schizophrenics will do this.

[ Psychotherapeutic Intervention in Schizophrenia, Lewis B. Hill, M.D., The University of Chicago Press (Chicago and London), 1955, 1973, pp. 127-128. ]

70.

Also , [name deleted], you must be just about ready to need a doctor too , as since i went to your gouse in my nice black dress you have just never been the same . you have lost it - you just cnnot accept me as i truly am . i really am a transexual , who has otherwise been s asaint , whou began to change without having done anything other than what i was told . i have an incurabe medical condtion which despite all objection will leave me either totally gay or a woman . i choose woman . because my pituitar no longer prodices androgen , because i have always been XX and it has alwas been a CLOSET THING - know what ? I cannot hide it anymore because my body is changing back to female all by itself . it happens to some XX ;'s at middle age ... triggered by medicine i took for mantal illness again ...incurabl and irreversible . testosterone makes me very very sick . it is all that has ever really been wrong with me . i have been poisoned by ny own twesticles every time i get exited , upset , or aroused ... i get sick ... i cant take testosterone nbecause i can prove even a tiny dose effects me like BAD METH ! i have to take hormones the rest of my life , just like diabetes and insulin EXEP that the INSULIN for my PITITARY is called :ESTRINOL" . which willmake my tits grow. i am going to be turned into a cow . it feels so good ! i like being a cow ... how now ? You have until this afternoon to settle or i go to an attorney monday.

[ Written to an acquaintance by a middle-aged man suffering from paranoid schizophrenia - the "bearded lady" disease. Please also refer to Impressions 65-69. ]

69.

It looks like I've survived 3 murder attempts last week. Looks like I have lost every friend or family (atomic) I may have ever had . My TV / Computer now would seem to be stolen : They took 92 dollars out of my account , credited it to friends of thiers , repod it two weeks later , and are now billing me for two months - what's more , one of the employees there who was fired the first time was stalking me last friday . Had my birthday party Saturday , only a few neighbors showed up . [Name deleted] is having a show tomorrow: new material ; I'm praying my debit card gets credited back by then ... And , a moment of silence for the police officers KIA' during all this . One was poisoned , by touching cyanide pills mom likely gave me ; another , blown up when bomb [name deleted] (my bro ) likeley sent blew in XRAY machine , and at least one gunned down near a psych cult in N.A. ; while rescuing a child from parents who were " Beating the Devil you put in her , out of her " She has been treated for arsenic poisoning . And especially sorrow and prayer for the desk leutenants umborn child , also murdered by poisoning . Sickening...

School is coming along surprisingly well , I get paid friday , again 3 weeks later , I will get by .... good things are coming in - they always do , this time of year : stocks looking to cross 10,000 this week .

Worse for wear and tear but u should see the other guy; [female name]

[ Posted on 9/28/09 by a middle-aged, paranoid schizophrenic man who has been driven mad by his severe bisexual conflict and gender confusion, and is now convinced he is a woman. Please also see Impressions 65 - 68. ]

68.

i really am a double XX transvestite. i have known all my life , it had not meant much until 98 when i was tested in a biology class. i since then have studied psychology , social work , and womens studies. i minored in womens studies. i know all about it. a traditional tratment of painful surgeries , about a half million in cost , and 3 to 5 years of being a true fruit... for what ... good sex. gene therapy is different. XX transvestisism is generally thought to be the product of a fetus being exposed to testosterone in the first trimester , but not always. the testosterone damages genes so the fetus develops male . there are often cases like myself of XX transvestites leading normal lives , or married with children , or like myself , not blossom at all until midlife. Now , i am a woman and i want to know love and life as a woman. i admit , i am attracted to women so you may as well know at this point i am not a gay man, not really even a repressed one. i am actually a lesbian.

i am absolutely certain. FACT : i did not dream or fantasize about men , penetration , and affectations toward men until after i took the drug last may. at this point it may not be fair to say i am a lesbian , as i am moving toward Bisexual Woman. I want to experience love as a woman with men or women. At mental health they say that as long as i am taking my medicine , i am fine. That i should persue other interests as funding at mental health is for crisis people - medical emergencies. folks at mental health and school support my choice. it is not insanity. i am not a sodomite. i am actually going through severely stressful changes - for certain. as far as esh is concerned , i have evry right and reason to be hopping about on the rooftop ...and they are just fine with me.

[ An email to his mother from a paranoid schizophrenic man afflicted with severe bisexual conflict and gender confusion. Please refer also to Impression 65, 66, and 67. ]

67.

On September 28, 2009 at 10:07 pm, [deleted] wrote:

Michael,

I would like to have access to your website. Please tell me where to find it.

You would probably be interested in one of the emails [name deleted] sent me where he says he started having menstrual periods and had blood in his "panties". I about died when I read that one! BTW, he told me he has only had sex three times and always with the same woman. I know the woman and she said they never had sex. It's all so confusing and so far you are the only person I've "talked" to in all these years who understands what it's all about.

I'm planning to put all the email letters on a disk so they are never lost. Then maybe I can try to assemble it somehow. Many of the things he told me and I have no written proof of it but trust me, it's bizarre!

I wish I could meet you.

[ Name deleted for privacy reasons - Please also refer to Impressions 65 and 66. ]

66.

Sent: Wednesday, September 23, 2009 10:00 AM
Subject: Recent Catrastrophic Events
The Lamotrigine incedent :

I need to briefly cover an attempted poisoning of myself - MTF - which has apparently perpetrated by my entire family! - I will try to cover ONLY the facts I Know - not speculate , accuse , or disclose more information than allowed in a police investigation .

I can remember things in bits and pieces right now , so I will send along what I can best sort out. I had reported to my DV councilor that my mother had been flagging - she was spreading rumors regarding myself , and stalking me . After a month of avoidance , she visited me on a saturday and kept me all day shopping , no purchases , the following Sunday , she took me to breakfast . When I went to 'do' my pills ( I use a four time weekly planner ) , I found that the Lamotrigine had unusual (white ) mixed in it ( pink ) . I used the pink pills I'm used to ; uncertain why . My mother came back the following Tuesday , on account of my birthday , She intended to leave saturday (she did ) ; on a trip to [deleted] to visit my sister . the next morning at AM meds ; I was shocked to find my meds had been tampered with . She has been the only person to visit , except for [deleted] rents man , repo ing my computer ( that comes later ) . I carefully removed ALL of the pills from my planner , did a med count (sort ) and found five pills that appeared to be the weird white ones i had found in the lamotrigine . So, I had removed all the apparently out of place / unknown pills in a diabetic test strip bottle . I soon found that my entire bottle of lamotrigine had gone missing - wednesday morning . I had a lot on my mind , and the tampered pills had remained on my table since then. Thus , I ran out of Lamotrigine last friday . I had to sell my vaccum cleaner to get a replacement bottle (long story there ) . I had only missed one dose on friday morning Also , my student aid was due aug 17th - it did not come in . I worked with fin aid councilling six times , and visited the website every day (yes , it was a hellish trial) ; when if finally did arrive , it was only half . the other half comes oct 23 rd . I owed 4000 to [deleted] college where I am taking social work for transfer U of [deleted], and I took out of state tuition this semester . My balance due was lowered to 1200 .. I took Wednesday , thursday , and friday off last week to deal with every means available with this . no luck . no hope

AND I purchasded a nice computer at [deleted] earier this siummer . i went in to make my sept payment , sept 3rd , and the clerk charged of 92 dollars off my direct debit card . Direct deposit debit is owned and controlled by SSA . I was surprised to find the 92 had been debited , but [deleted] insisted they had not been paid . I finally ( after an unendurable mass hysteria ) ; las thusday they came and took it , after 2 weeks late (didn't get 30 days ) and appealing to the nanager . thus , friday of last week again , anyone counting stress points ? i called the police and called the DD card to CANCEL a compromised account . Surprisingly , I got through to a human operator ( I never did before , ) and we pulled the charge (dispute / still pending . The clerk had sent the 92 dollars intended as payment , swiped at the store , his id number , to a girlfriend in [deleted] . They are both friends of my sister , and where mom is visiting right now . an arrest was made ??? at [deleted] . I had complained to my dv councillor and others about the tampering , and my moms escalations . somehow , there was a search , after numerous other complaints ( not listed ) that she had ( I was told this , she had been questioned and released ) and then flew to [deleted] .

My brother and his wife , who evicted me a year and a half ago , who i have not spoken to since , sent me a card - There is a gaggle of monks , it reads, "The silent monks of the Carthusian monastery would like to wish you a happy birthday." I have not been able to verify but was told they exclusively do funerary services . ( dark humor ?) and a friend hd mentioned poison control .

I called poison control concerning the strange white pills , the operator told me to tender it to the police . Went to [deleted] and [deleted] [deleted] police station , spoke to d a desk operator . did a report for an hour . I identified four kinds - i knew - and there were 3 left . Poison control identified two more , but the last , eight stange white pills , carfully removed from moms missing lamotrigine to visit my sister who knows the guy who took my money and my tv ...hence the poison control operator asked her make sure / she told the officer to remove her gloves to handle them . they were taken in as evidence when the fbi ; having limked mom and the fraud , they answered the post , and i was completed my report . then , the officer went to scrub her hands , i had told her to , and there was a yell after i stepped out of a different restroom , they said she had fainted , that there were unusual foam/reaction when soap was applied . horrified i bgan to panic and was helped out of the police staitiomn . i am very concerned about her unborn child ! I do not know thier status ; i have not heard back as phone and internet are down for now .. today is my [middleaged] birthday. I have not confirmed verified that the pills , otherwise unkown , not manufactured , legal here , are known and controlled by DOD . My fathers name and 20 year vet were the last questions i asked.

I ambled down [deleted] for a while , till i found some cigarillos and a burger king ... went to the library , and went down the line to walmart where i bought burger patties and buns for my party , saturday ...

I am taking to day off to break again , and sent this along from the school as a scream for help . i have been having flashbacks and strange memory intrisions like i think schizophrenia might be like . slept two hours last night , loved my kitty Natache' and took a long hot bubble bath . I apklogise for the state of this email - i dare mot use spell check for these systems crasjh to much i must send now time limit fear of lost data

[ The above letter is from a middle-aged man suffering from paranoid schizophrenia - the "bearded lady" disease. ]

65.

On September 24, 2009 at 2:42pm, [name deleted] wrote:

Dear Michael,

I'm embarrassed to tell you I still haven't read your book but I want to and I will. I am trying to figure out what I can do to help my son. My other son and I have tried to get a Power of Attorney to have [name deleted] committed for evaluation but [name deleted] has refused our help and accuses us of all kinds of things.

You previously suggested that I write a book documenting all these crazy e-mail letters I receive from him. I have saved them all but don't begin to know how to make sense out of it. Yesterday I received another rambling letter with all kinds of stories that he must believe are true but they aren't. He didn't send the letter to me but to many other people and one of them forwarded it to me. I'd like to forward what he wrote because I'm hoping you can suggest what I should do about it. We (the family) fear him and don't really know what he's capable of. He goes to doctors and counselors but he tells them he's transgender and that is causing all these problems. The truth of the matter is that he's schizophrenic. He takes all kinds of medicine including hormones and other things for women.

There is just too much to say and maybe you don't want to even respond which is understandable. I'll forward what he wrote just in case.

Thanks again and best wishes,

[ Name deleted for privacy reasons ]

64.

Freud makes an early reference in his "Three Contributions to the Theory of Sex" in which there is offered the hypothesis that the development of female sexuality contains important variations from that of the male in that the center of interest must shift in the pattern from the clitoris to the vagina - the clitoris and the penis having similar likeness, the vagina being the typically female organ. Further light is shed from later writings on the "castration complex" and "penis envy" in women, and the possibility of problems arising in the female as a result of physiological differences receives attention. In brief, the psychic development of woman must undergo an adjustment similar to that in the physiological realm if she is to attain adulthood.

[ Personal Psychopathology - Early Formulations, Harry Stack Sullivan, M.D., (Notes on Female Sexuality, Dr. Clara Thompson), W. W. Norton & Company, Inc., New York, 1965, 1972, pp. 262-263. ]

63.

In April a despairing mother in America wrote to Freud for advice. A photostat of Freud's reply has been published, [22] but with permission I am repeating his letter here as an example of his kindness in doing what he could to help a stranger even when he was occupied with his own suffering. She herself had sent the letter anonymously to Dr. Kinsey with this note: "Herewith I enclose a letter from a great and good man which you may retain. From a grateful mother."

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

April 9, 1935

Dear Mrs...

     I gather from your letter that your son is a homosexual. I am most impressed by the fact that you do not mention this term yourself in your information about him. May I question you, why you avoid it? Homosexuality is assuredly no advantage, but it is nothing to be ashamed of, no vice, no degradation, it cannot be classified as an illness; we consider it to be a variation of the sexual function produced by a certain arrest of sexual development. Many highly respectable individuals of ancient and modern times have been homosexuals, several of the greatest men among them (Plato, Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci, etc). It is a great injustice to persecute homosexuality as a crime, and cruelty too. If you do not believe me, read the books of Havelock Ellis.
     By asking me if I can help, you mean, I suppose, if I can abolish homosexuality and make normal heterosexuality take its place. The answer is, in a general way, we cannot promise to achieve it. In a certain number of cases we succeed in developing the blighted germs of heterosexual tendencies which are present in every homosexual, in the majority of cases it is no more possible. It is a question of the quality and the age of the individual. The result of treatment cannot be predicted.
     What analysis can do for your son runs in a different line. If he is unhappy, torn by conflicts, inhibited in his social life, analysis may bring him harmony, peace of mind, full efficiency, whether he remains a homosexual or gets changed. If you make up your mind he should have analysis with me!! I don't expect you will!! He has to come over to Vienna. I have no intention of leaving here. However, don't neglect to give me your answer.

Sincerely yours with kind wishes,

Freud

P.S. I did not find it difficult to read your handwriting. Hope you will not find my writing and my English a harder task.

[ The Life and Work of Sigmund Freud (Last Years in Vienna), Ernest Jones, Basic Books, Inc., New York, 1957, Vol. III, pp. 195-196. ]

62.

Heydumbassyouhadacrushonevery
teacheringradeschooldidn'tyougetaclue?@gmail.com

[ A humorous, yet serious, fantasy email address created by a woman who came late to acknowledging openly her homosexuality. See also Impressions 54. ]

61.

Mike, I was incapacitated for 18 months after my horrific fall from my deck 5 years ago. I never knew it all those years but I was suffering from chronic depression and when I suffered my back injury on December 18, 2003 by that chiropractor who accidentally adjusted me on my lower back where I had my back surgery it was just too much pain to bear. For nine weeks until February 22, 2004 I was unable to get any relief and could not sit in a chair for more than 45 seconds without crushing the nerves coming out of my lower spine which was collapsed at the L4-5, I couldn't sleep for days until I would fall asleep in the most excruciating pain but totally exhausted I might get 2 or 3 hours of "sleep" and eventually went delirious day after day on all the Vicodin and flexoral the M.D.s kept telling me to take in increasing quantities. I would struggle to get to the doctors office where they told me there was nothing they could do but "pain management". At 3 am in the morning of February 22, 2004 I launched over my deck 28 feet from the ground. I do not remember being on my deck and deciding to "DIVE". The doctors tell me this is very common and the mind blocks the event in a self protective manner. (I do have flashbacks but not as many as before) At the time of the accident I was on 8 Vicodin and 4 or 5 Flexoral a day.

I was in a coma for 4 days at the intensive care ward at [name deleted] and when I woke up I had tubes coming out of every opening in my body. I had broken my neck in two places, broken 6 ribs, my right hand was on "sideways," I had fractured my left leg below the knee and my knee cap had to be replaced with a cadavers patella, I had collapsed both lungs and had my sides pierced so the docs could extract the blood and reinflate my lungs, I crushed my left clavicle and it still sticks out from my back in at a weird angle. They decided not to operate for several days until they were sure I was going to make it. Thirteen days after my accident they fixed my right hand and put more screws into my left leg than you find in most hardware stores.

But the worst part Mike was the brain trauma which put me for the next 18 months into a neverland. It was such a ethereal place I actually thought I had died and was in a fifth demension between heaven and hell. That place Catholics go when you commit suicide and fail. I couldn't remember how to read, my short term memory was nonexistent and once I was sent home to live by myself I was constantly trying to remember what I was supposed to do with myself. I had post it notes everywhere... everywhere. I burnt so much food forgeting I was cooking that I made the wise decisions to eat sandwiches for the next year and a half. There are so many buttons on my five remote controls that I couldn't watch TV because I hit the wrong buttons all the time and had no idea how to turn it on. I couldn't finish a page of reading in a book and remember what I had read so I would start again at the top and do it over and over until I thought maybe I could turn the page forgetting at the end to put a bookmarker to remind me where I stopped. Up would go another postit to remind me to put bookmarkers in the book. It was the toughest 18 months of my life and not once during that time did I have any guarantee it was ever going to get better.

In short Mike I know what it is like to be living in a hell. Thank God above that I had the strength and courage to continue each day trying to relearn how to do "everything" on my own. I was so embarrassed by the fact that everyone who knew me, knew I tried to commit suicide and "FAILED"! It was so hard to go out and try to face people. I wanted to leave the house but going out was exposure to feeling so humiliated in a town where everyone knows me as [deleted] and now weighs 145 lbs and is crazy!

But by surviving this crucible I have become so strong! Stronger than my own father who was the toughest guy you would ever want to meet!!!

I also found out Mike who my real friends were. There were some who really disappointed me and there were some who really surprised me. Generally the ones who came to my aid had run their own gauntlets and emerged as stronger and wiser men and women.

By the way Mike my condition has been diagnosed as hypomania. Here is the definition.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hypomania

I know you love psychology and the way the human mind works. This description fits me to a TEE. This is really who I am. Now that I have my medication to keep me above the depression I suffered from I am catching the benefits of this disease.

Hypomania can also have a benefit in creativity and productive energy. Many have cited it as a gateway to their success, and a large number of people with creative talents have experienced hypomania or other symptoms of bipolar disorder. Classic symptoms of hypomania include mild euphoria, a flood of ideas, endless energy, and a desire and drive for success.

So there you have it Mike. You are friends with a hypomaniac (just kidding ... I am not a maniac!!) I am just a very creative guy who now has the benefit of having gone through one hell of an experience and can appreciate even more this beautiful world we live in. Since there may not be another world after this we better grab for all the gusto we can while we are still here by the grace of the architect of this wonderful and sometimes maddenly horrific world we live in.

[ Writer's name deleted for privacy reasons. Partially edited by J.M. Mahoney. ]

60.

On July 20, 2009 at 12:24am -0500, "thePCwarrior"
wrote:

Dude, as someone termed schizoaffective I can tell you that you're dealing with a subject whose scope and pathos you have no real identification with. Anyways, such a book with its "elementary schism as all-encompassing crux" does nothing to shed light on the subject. I could just say you're an old crusty bastard posing as intellect, but that would be too easy. That you would want to spread such a mind as yours "eros pervading day and night-all-solvent". Such a granted knowingness always betrays a temperament. That this effort gives you pride is sad indeed.

[ Note: All Quotations in this Impressions item are the PCWarrior's own quotations, and not those of the author. ]

59.

Hi Mike,

I first heard about John Nash when the movie, A Beautiful Mind, was first released. I didn't know really who he was until 60 Minutes ran a piece on him. Because of my own history, anything to do with schizophrenia always catches my interest. During the segment the interviewer asked Mr. Nash if he was a homosexual and he answered no. His wife Alicia then spoke up and said that she has been his wife for a long time and believe me he is not a homosexual. When I heard that question the first thing that I thought was that Nash must have gone through the same kind of confusion that I had gone through. After all, where did that question come from? It wasn't until after I read Sylvia Nasar's book did I understand where that question came from and why it was asked. The movie, A Beautiful Mind, was really well done as movies go, but there was much that was not covered in his life and I noticed that the dates or time line when his psychosis first appeared were wrong. The American Experience documentary that I sent you does a much better job of covering Mr. Nash's life story, but it also doesn't mention anything about early bisexual confusion that Sylvia Nasar mentions in her book. Nasar did mention that the old Freudian theory that the anxious panic of a schizophrenic is a homosexual panic at its core is now rejected by the psychiatric community. I wish that more people, psychiatrist especially, would take the time to read Kempf's paper at your website. Katan's theory that hallucinations are a discharge of repressed homosexual libido also makes perfect sense to me. The way that Nash's symptoms slowly receded as he got older could be a result of lessening of hormones and thus libido energy as a person ages. Anyway Mike, that is my take on the curious case of John Nash.

Best regards, John

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vrAc5CVw2zQ

58.

Hi Mike,

[...] has been in and out of the hospital twice in the last 10 days. He insists that the men he is living with have stolen his brain and want to do him harm. He also told [...] that he doesn't like being around men. That he dislikes all of them and is refusing to go back to the community living arrangement with other men. His father suggested again bringing him to [...] for awhile if he is relatively normal. This reminds me of some of the cases in your book.

Are you aware of anyone anywhere in the country that would be willing to see [.....] for Psychoanalysis in the manner that Kempf Did? [...] is thinking once again that your theory may be correct and that is the only way to address the problem.

Hope all is well with you. [...]

57.

Hi Mike

I just watched an episode of The American Experience about Jim Jones. It is a PBS documentary that I recorded on my VCR the other night. Different people were talking about Jim Jones and his sex life. This one lady said that Jim Jones believed that he was the only heterosexual person in the world. He believed that all of the women were lesbians and all the men were gay. He would sodomize some of the different men in his congregation but he publicly said that they should give themselves enemas first. Jones seems like a classic case of the bearded lady syndrome. I still have the documentary recorded on a VCR tape and could send it to you if you'd like.

Best regards, John
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D7IxGGfpSWk

56.

[...] is back in the psychiatric hospital. [...] went down to SA and got him in yesterday afternoon after receiving calls from him all day that were about the voices etc. He has been calling here since arriving quite often on their pay phone and telling her that he has gotten rid of the anthrax and gangrene right away but that he couldn't find his cigarettes. [...] is now afraid that he will be thrown out of his program. I will keep you updated. Hope you are well. [...]

55.

Schizophrenics have unresolved gayness.

[ a personal communication ]

54.

You are so damn cute. O.K ... I get what you're saying ... to say that is the case for ALL mental illness is interesting for thought ... and I will continue to contemplate this! I do see it SO MUCH, especially being in my position where I was living the "right" way, then the choice was truly insanity, or living my truth ... I see SO MANY PEOPLE who are wound up beyond belief, almost coming out of their skin with anxiety &/or anger, and I always think "they seem gay to me, wonder why they don't just come out?" You know, I think a lot of it is too much of a sense of self importance. They think they're so almighty important that the world will stop turning if they come out of the closet. If I could tell 50 Catholic family members.. little old Catholic parents, a husband and 2 teenagers that I'm gay... then anyone can do it. And look, everyone's fine... kids are alive and yes, bummed that their parents got divorced, but not bummed that their mom's living her truth. Hopefully they learned a lesson about getting through huge identity crisis' - and about unconditional love.

I just adore my name next to the title of Psychologist! I actually headed into grad school to get my Masters in PSych when I was 40, but decided that I was going to need to focus on coming out and getting divorced instead, my head was too not screwed on tight to make it through ... and the classes were TOUGH. I took neuro-psychopharmacology and it kicked my booty... without 100% focus I couldn't make it.

Did I tell you that I sat with my clippings the other night... it was my little meditation time. I rarely take time to "chill out" anymore... and it was a real treat. I'll have to tell you about my 93 year old gay client... she never says it... but it's obvious. From that time they're conditioned with words like "woman friend" ... "no, I never found the right man" I always want to say "ya... cuz your right man had a vagina!" ha!

I must get to work!

A big fat hug across cyberspace
s Susan 2071rental@gmail.com

53.

Hi Mike. An update on [deleted] that you may see a progression in? He has been saying for the past two weeks that his mind is being taken away from him. He has dropped most of the predictions of great things coming to him. Girls, prizes, awards etc. and has become very depressed saying over and over that he is dying. He has accused his mother of sending him to places that stole his mind. One in particular was the NIH institute in Maryland that he spent about a month at for diagnosis and treatment in 2001. He told her that they had him watch horrible pictures of people being tortured and mistreated and he keeps having recurring visions of this. He is sure that this is what started his mind going bad. He has spent the last two weeks with his father from [deleted] who came to [deleted]. He told his father over and over that he needed a woman. His father took him to a lap dance place the night before last and bought him two lap dances. He told his father that during the last one he had a climax which was what he needed. His father is now considering getting him a prostiture. This was related to [deleted] this morning by the father.

In your past experience do you see any progression in this and what it might be? Thanks in advance for any comments you might have. [deleted]

52.

Dr. Mahoney: Your book has 'rocked my world.' I have a paranoid schizophrenic brother, but I have experienced manic depression myself. I feel strongly that there is a link there; have you explored this? I resolved my sexual ambivalence, and my symptoms went away. Can you comment?

[ Name deleted for privacy reasons ]

51.

Sir.

I have recently come to read your hypothesis as to the cause of schizophrenia and realized you may be interested in this work of mine.

I have for a number of years being trying to explain how I made a discovery…

The discovery I have made has now been shown to be more effective in more diseases than any treatment in history.

It has now been shown to be ... recommended ... for more diseases than any treatment in history.

I came across the finding of man being a herbivore eating meat.

The iron from the meat we eat builds to toxic levels in the body causing all disease.

One of the results is endocrine disorder.

Hypogonadism / low testosterone at one time had only one treatment ... iron reduction therapy.

It has been shown iron excess is known to cause schizophrenia but they believe it doesn't cause all schizophrenia.

I believe a hypothesis must be proven ... false ... before a statement of 'it cannot cause all schizophrenia' can be used by reasonable men.

If iron is KNOWN to cause schizophrenia then one MUST eliminate iron in order to disregard it.

My work is found on the Nature Network and this work ... iron reduction therapy ... has now been shown to be more effective in more diseases than any treatment in history.

The treatment is bloodletting/blood donation which lowers the iron levels down to normal.

It seems you have done alot of work and may not have been thanked properly ... but .. such is life isn't it ...

Thank you for your work,

Tom

Herbivore Hypothesis

http://network.nature.com/groups/herbivore/forum/topics

50.

Wow! Coming across your website made me suicidal. Not because there is a preexisting mental illness, but because I cannot believe that such insanity exists. Schizophrenia is mild compared to what inflicts you.

[ Writer's name and gender information not provided ]

49.

Oct. 23, '08

Dear Mr. Mahoney

Thank you for sending me Schizophrenia: The Bearded Lady Disease. My youngest son was diagnosed at the age of 17 while living in the Wash., D.C. area. He spent time in most of the hospitals there, including St. Elizabeth's. He is 53 now and his medications are keeping him stable.

In 1993 he fell from the 5th floor balcony of his father's apartment in Silver Spring, Md. He fractured his pelvis & left ankle. He is able to walk, thank goodness, but sustained bowel and bladder dysfunction.

Since 1996 he has been here in Florida, living in assisted living facilities. I am able to take him to doctors' appointments, entertainment and meals out.

Three times a week he goes to a social gathering place called [Name deleted], where he meets with others with similar problems.

He's been able to stay out of the hospital for a whole year now, thanks to a very supportive living arrangement at his present A.L.F.

Very sincerely yours,

[ Name deleted for privacy reasons ]

48.

Many thanks for forwarding this quote to me, Mike. [New Quotation/-Comment 733, specifically – "And that fall, I met a girl called Monique. My heart was still in California, but I had a wonderful affair with Monique. She nursed me back to sexual health – you know, gave me my cock and balls back, and I am forever thankful to her. She took care of me."]

The girl that moved in with me back in the early 80's was my saving grace. It was a much more 180 transformation for me. Within 4 or 5 days both the paranoia and delusions had subsided and I started sleeping normally. That was the turning point for me and the last episode that I had for 20 years. I also can identify with what he was stating about seeing certain sexual symbolism in certain things.

I don't believe that I ever told you that I did go through another episode about a month after the 9/11 thing happened. It was real mild and maybe only lasted a couple of weeks with just a couple of nights being somewhat difficult. I guess because I was familiar with the symptoms I didn't end up too far out there. In fact the regular medical doctor that I was seeing at the time just thought I had a case of mild depression. I think that the fatigue that I was experiencing from the hepatitis C was sort of a blessing in disguise in that it helped me to get to sleep at night without having to take any medication or alcohol. Trying to teach school plus taking care of the kids and the house just started getting too much for me with the fatigue I was dealing with. After the 9/11 thing happened I started to think about how crazy religion can be. I remember watching a show on TV around that time about Afghanistan and the Taliban executing prostitutes and homosexuals and I remembered what this one psychiatrist at the detox ward told us, "Sometimes anger can be guilt turned outward." I thought to myself that is the exact reason why the Taliban & Islam were reacting like that. I was aware of my bisexual nature and peoples' bisexual nature in general at the time. The 9/11 thing brought things to the forefront again and I thought that maybe it was my purpose to make this knowledge known.

That is why I like your book so much, Mike. Coming from me it is coming from a fool, but coming from you it is coming from a scholar.

I hope the world is treating you well up there.

Best, John

47.

Dear Mister Mahoney,

I visited your site, via your ad in NYRofB. Being a psychotherapist & philosopher (in retirement, more or less) it drew my attention.

Maybe it is of little interest to you but I would like to inform you about yet another source on the bearded lady phenomenon.

Where I was born and lived most of my life (south of The Netherlands) there is a little known and rather obscure Catholic phenomenon known as "De Heilige Ontkommernis". It is found also in Amsterdam and in various German cities. The phenomenon consists of pictures and statues of a bearded woman on the Cross. The dutch phrase "De Heilige Ontkommernis" would translate in English as "Saint Uncumber". It sounds in English as strange as it does in Dutch, I guess.

The story behind it is the legend of a nobleman's daughter refusing to marry a man of her father's choice. She asked God to help her growing a beard, which he did. The marriage was cancelled and the lady became a saint. Needless to say that "Saint Uncumber" features in female convents and monasteries.

If you appreciate more info on the phenomenon and its sources (Wikipedia gives some info; try the entry "Wilgefortis"), don't hesitate to contact me. It would be my pleasure to go after it.

Your website does a fine job, it reaches more readers than any book in the 21st century on the matter could hope to get.

So, and again, I would be happy to track & deliver more info on the phenomenon if that would be of any help to you. I need no credits.

Apart from that, I would be happy to find ways to spread the info on your website. Let me know.

Cordiali saluti,

Geoff Smeets

goffredofabbro@hotmail.it

46.

Subject: book

Sir,

I have just read about the book Schizophrenia: The Bearded Lady Disease. My son was diagnosed with Schizophrenia more than 20 years ago. Along with being psychotic and other similar afflictions. He is now 49 years old. Last year he was hospitalized because of a diabetes problem. They put him in the mental ward of the hospital. While he was there he claimed a doctor offered him a shot to change him into a woman. He accepted this shot and went home and got rid of his clothes and bought women's clothing, make up, wigs, ... the whole nine yards.

He claims he started having monthly periods and milk coming from his breasts. Now he has officially changed his name to a feminine name and also changed his last name.

I don't want to burden you with anymore details but what I'm wondering is whether or not it would do any good to hand him your book which I have not read myself yet. So far any conversation we have where I don't agree with him he gets very angry and upset.

I'm trying not to write too much but wanted you to hear some of this and perhaps offer your two cents worth.

Thank you.
Mom,

[ Name deleted for privacy reasons ]

45.

Hi friends, I recently made an amazing acquaintance with an author who has done the most interesting book on "Madness" I've come across. And as you know my wife's brother committed suicide on Xmas day so this is serious business. He has written a book Schizophrenia: The Bearded Lady Disease by J. Michael Mahoney ... His book triggered off some amazing dreams from me and released some deep psychic knots so we have been emailing ... I've suggested that he see your Art as I think all of you have gone through the madness and come out the other side. I suggested that Art is the way to transcend ... I would like to have him contact your websites ... I'm not sure that I have your art web sites ... so could you please send them to me. Also I would like Mati's web site and any information on Vali the wild woman ... I had a video about her ... I think Bob gave it to me ... can't remember ... But basically J. Michael Mahoney is interested in the whole issue of gender and schizophrenia which his book really makes the case that many people succumb to terrible madness and suffering in their inability to deal with it. Please let me know if you are interested.

[ Name deleted for privacy reasons ]

44.

Subject: your book

A note to tell you I received your book and it is quite amazing to me on many levels.

One the obvious is the way that you and I have used quotes to learn and to teach. The book also has been upsetting in several ways. I had long ago not only dismissed Freud and gone for Jung ... but I had actually become an enemy of Freud (see my quotes under "Freud") I wanted to put as many nails into his coffin as possible. I receive angry letters sometimes about my collection of Freud quotes ... and I always surmise that the writers are Jewish ... and it remains an intellectual mystery to me why the great Jewish intellectuals place him so high ... Harold Bloom whom I read and respect very much has him up above Jesus and Mohammad ... It has always mystified me why this is so. But, your book has opened up for me (in my dreams) that Freud is on to something.

In fact my dreams had anticipated the arrival of your book. After years of not really dreaming, I had a dream recently where a "rose colored ethereal female" almost made of "smoke" came out of my breast where she had been face down ….. and took off like an astral projection out of me and then flipped over and "rose like a rocket" ,,… I was staying with friends who are very close to me (we have played in our own Trio for years) ..... So I mentioned the dream to them. The woman named "Nur" (meaning light) had owned a clothing store called the "Rose"... I didn't go for that connection and later recalled reading in Teddy Roosevelt's biography his statement about his career "I rose like a rocket"….. I liked this one as I was having a once in a lifetime breakthrough in my own long dead career as an inventor and historian of inventions. At the time I was attending a TEsla Conference. I was experiencing a great many synchronicities for the first time in decades and it had brought me back to life and hope ... So while driving to Colorado I was repeating to myself as an NLP statement "I rose like a rocket"….. My friend – the male side of the couple named "Aaron" had said to me several times that I should have a grand piano (I have a synth ) and I thought about everything a grand piano means to me ... the unattainable valuable Steinway Grand piano...which on a conscious level I don't ever expect to own. So Follow me here ..... In Aspen I go by intuition to the Aspen Music tent (where I have actually played) and where some of my most pleasant golden days have been spent lying on the grass outside with a picnic listening to classical music). Condoleeza Rice had just played their several days before ... It is the focus of the rich and powerful ... I go in the tent and there are 45 Steinway Grand Pianos on the Stage ... as they are having an end of season sale. I then get several synchronicites ... The most famous piano tuner in the world is there and he had a lifetime of tuning the Steinway at Carnegie Hall. I had been a stage hand at Carnegie Hall, and told him about my playing his tuned pianos when no one was about ... this immediately made him laugh and we were suddenly very friendly. All of my life I've been kind of a secret piano player ... most of my friends do not know I play ... and there is of course the thing of beautiful hands on the key boards ... which I certainly used to have ... Well then, unexpected to me, there was a young woman brought on stage who was Steinways newest pianist that had been most recently hired ... the lights are dimmed and she flows out in a silky gauze "rose-coloured" dress ... and she was most feminine and approached the piano like all great pianists by letting their hands float to the keys ... I met her later and got an autographed CD of her music ... I chatted her up and found that she lived in the same county as where I was born and on the way home while driving through this county I actually thought of looking her up (I'm a married man) My wife is a horsewoman with very manly hands ... I was very stirred by this "rose lady" and her beautiful hands ... I was actually wanting to meet her and some way continue to see her ... I actually wanted to seduce her ... she was the rose woman that flew up out of my chest ... my "anima". I listened to her music all the way home.

This incident caused me to come alive with sexual desire that I hadn't felt in years. Then the night before I returned home I have a dream that I'm looking in a mirror and my face is that of an Asian girl ... In real life I have morning coffee regularly with a former Navy Top Gun Pilot (the epitome of masculinity) middle name of "Thor"... and he is always referring to Asian women as "little brown fucking machines" which grates on my nerves ... but in the dream I'm carrying one of these beautiful Asian women up a stair case to an attic and I am anticipating hot sex with her and she says the same for me ... Then another Asian woman comes in and drops one of my boots on the floor (other shoe will drop?) masculine boot? And for the first time in years I have felt very sexy (I'm 66).

So I just wanted you to know what your book triggered off in me. Also I listed your book on scholarisland.org under "Psychology".

What strange territory we humans occupy ... I also thought of a friend of mine named [Name deleted] who is also a very creative artist ... writes, paints everything ... He lives in a little town in New Mexico most of the year (He is Australian) He bought some land a few years ago and was with a beautiful woman and they were going to build a house together. Well she ran off. He built the house and built a room and closet for his feminine side whom he has named "Georgia" and everyday at evening time he changes into beautiful feminine clothes and becomes Georgia ... He seems to be the most constantly creative and happy artist I have known ... Maybe he has figured out how to work this all out.

Maybe you should do a book on people that have somehow worked out this male/female problem in a healthy way ... And I think that is what many artists are ... instead of killing themselves over it ... they simply turn it into a play and have fun with it ... after all the entheogens ... take you through this and then certainly beyond to a healing place where usually the "Christ" is seen as your real identity an androgonous identity ... "neither male nor female" and it all gets worked out ... you might check the web sites of Robert Venosa and his wife Martina Hoffman who have obviously worked this out ... google up these names and see their art ... Fantastic is what it is ... and she paints many paintings with her face and a mustache painted on ... The other artist who did this in her life and art is "VAli" (now off the planet) She was the queen of the 50s and 60s avante garde ... she went so far as to tattoo a mustache on her upper lip ... There is an avante garde film about her that is quite amazing of how she lived ... She had a harem of men and women too ... she never wore shoes and had a powerful musk odor ... And lived in a cave in Italy with dozens of animals ... Another artist named Mati Abdul Klarwein who you can also find on the web (he has left the planet too) You will find lots of art where you can see artists working through in a playful way what others have lost all happiness like Zelda ...

Check this out ... Your work would be complete if you could show how some artists use this struggle.

I'm a fan of your book and think it is powerful and I like that you just use the quotes ... You will see that my whole scholarisland.org has been my education.

Very bizzare all of this ... I have been quite shut down for decades and all this month has been an amazing awakening for me and your book certainly played some catalyst role.

[ Name deleted for privacy reasons ]

43.

Dear J. Michael Mahoney,

I am the grandmother of a 23 year old grandson who is going through a gender transition. He is taking female hormones to grow breasts and has decided to take medication for chemical castration as well. He says he has been under the care of two therapists and a psychiatrist(?). I am very concerned, and I don't know where to seek help. The reason I am so concerned is not because of the transition itself, but because of his behaviors. He has been carrying a kitchen knife (chef's knife) and says he wants to kill someone. I believe he was sexually molested by his stepfather as a child, and I know he was physically assaulted as well. He is saying he hates all men and wants them dead. He talks about drinking a certain man's blood and barbequeing his flesh to eat it. Mind you, he is a vegetarian. He talks to a voice or voices in his head, and believes that he and God speak on an everday basis. He makes strange noises as well. I want desperately to find the help he needs in a long term facility. He was hospitalized a few times, but was always discharged within a few days. Unfortunately, money is a factor. I am fearful he may carry out his threat(s) to do harm to someone. Any help you can offer will be greatly appreciated.

Sincerely,

[ Name deleted for privacy reasons ]

42.

Dear Sir,

Frankly, I cannot comprehend how you arrive at this theory of yours, that schizophrenia is somehow connected with "unconscious bisexual conflict/-gender confusion".

I am very glad that the medical team at the hospital I stayed in eight years ago – who by the way helped me to stay symptom-free since then (despite that time being my third episode already) – was not acquainted with any of your obscure theories.

I am sure that one might be able to incorporate gender confusion in their psychotic delusions, just as some incorporate religious experiences, etc. But you should have realized that, although surely all patients seek to find a "cause" for their infliction, in most cases, there just is no cause!!

In the case of schizophrenia, the knowledge that a hormonal imbalance in the metabolism of the brain is the most critical precondition for the disease, has been around for some time.

Let me tell you, I have no "bisexually confused" bone in my body, although I have been diagnosed with a schizoaffective disorder at the age of 21. And thank God for that. I would not want to be in a position where I would have to live a life of continuous inner turmoil with regards to my sexual self-conception.

Best Regards,

M.V.A., Frankfurt, Germany

41.

Mike,

Thanks for your help. I've done tons of research in the past few years and find the contradicting views of doctors on schizophrenia frightening. Many seem to have a schizophrenic view (repression and denial) of the role of homosexuality in schizophrenia. "A Beautiful Mind" is one example. After loading the book with many examples of Nash's repressed homosexuality the author denies that this played a factor in his illness! The film version ignored it altogether. A little knowledge is a dangerous thing, which is why I commend you for compiling in one book all the quotes supporting this obvious theory.

My harrowing firsthand experience only validates your compelling argument. A quote about alcohol making the patient aggressively homosexual and aggressively violent mirrors my experience exactly on a two day Russian train trip with my friend, who had previously never acted this way before. Schizophrenia is indeed a nightmare for all involved. While I ended up in a foreign emergency room with broken ribs, I am now healed but my friend is still not the person he was before the onset of his severe condition. Perhaps your book will help him.

Thanks again.

[ Pls reference Impressions 40. ]

40.

Your Schizophrenia book is great! I've been helping someone with severe schizophrenia for three years now, and your book explains EVERYTHING.

Is it available in the Russian language?

[ Name deleted for privacy reasons ]

39.

Hi Mike, I just finished reading your book again. I made notes of all that really got my attention. I especially like 262 that I think catches all that can be said about schizophrenia.

I noticed another article in the Austin American Statesman today with the heading "Study: Gene Variations Raise Risk of Schizophrenia" by Benedict Carey of The New York Times. The obvious seems to be overlooked in every way possible.

My stepson is still showing all the symptoms. He is going to a community college but only for monitoring. He is going to a call for casting in a movie today accompanied by his mother. He hopes to be cast as [deleted]. Some of this is so obvious that I wish she could see it. Still hears the voices that never lie to him and promise many girl friends sometime in the future. He also claims to have received a Nobel Prize for something. He has written a short book that is complete nonsense and unintelligible. And of course claims to already have many degrees and that is why he is just monitoring the classes he attends. He doesn't want to intimidate the other students with all that he knows and is. I have almost no contact when he visits us to avoid further controversy.

I am still looking for a psychologist that understands what is going on and that his mother would approve of.

[ Name deleted for privacy reasons ]

38.

[ Message A. ]

Mike maybe it means that I envy men a penis I would like to have it. Maybe it points to my homosexuality and that I would like to have relations with women with it. I don't know you are an analyst.

Mike thank you for staying with me when I was ill and that you were writing emails with me all the time. I miss you. LOVE

[ Message B. ]

Mike in that dream I dreamt that I masturbated (I shouldn't be telling you this) and I felt frustrated and I wished that I had a penis. I think that it points to my bisexual conflict that I would like to have a masculine part of the body and that I didn't dream that I would like to have a feminine part like my own breasts.

[ Message C. ]

I have just had a dream that I made love with a woman. I felt really fine after the dream.

[ Message D. ]

I had a dream today that I was dancing with a woman and later with a man. I think it points to my bisexual nature.

[ Reprinted with permission by the sender, who is a 33-year-old female who has been suffering from paranoid schizophrenia, the "bearded lady disease." Please also refer to previous Impressions 37 and to New Quotations/-Comments 720. ]

37.

Subject: dreams

Mike I don't remember. The first one was that I had no breasts and in that dream I saw [Name deleted] and [Name deleted] with a baby. The second one was that I made love to a woman with breasts and a penis. When I was ill I thought all the time that I have a GPS attached to my clothes (gloves, shoes, jackets, bags, watch – which I threw away because of this) and that I am followed by the whole town. I read almost everything in the online Truman library to "decipher" in my mind the coded messages I thought you were sending to me for our secret meeting. I thought also that you were sending me coded messages via email. I would act under the influence of the moment and go to a different town or very far in the mountains to meet you. I was afraid of the cameras. I thought that people were taking photos of me. I thought that everybody knew me and that everyone was talking about me. I was also afraid of numbers. Anything which seemed illogical to me like this mark and a number: 111 or long numbers. I also thought that some things which I watched on TV were untrue or done on purpose to send me some sort of message like the fires in California at the end of last year. I thought that people did that on purpose. I also saw at that time a program on some plane – which they built (the biggest in the world) which could take several hundred people on board. I thought that this was untrue. I thought that the people were trying to send me some message. The reminiscence of it all is very painful for me. I have made a huge recovery thanks to you when I think where I am now and what I think. I love you.

P.S. Mike I reread my letter you put in the Impression section. I realize now how ill I was. I also thought at that time that people were eavesdropping my phone calls, that everything was planned (to destroy me, persecute me), that there were cameras in my house and outside of it. When I was ill I didn't realize that I was ill and that something was wrong with my thinking.

When I was ill I once went to a telephone booth from which I wanted to call you. I noticed some woman who was sitting there. I was convinced that you were dressed up as this woman. I think that this points to my bisexual conflict.

[ A personal communication approved for release by the sender. She is presently also under psychiatric care and taking anti-psychotic medication. ]

36.

Re: The Bearded Lady – Personal Story about MY Brother

Dear Mr. Mahoney,

Firstly, I wish to thank you for writing a book on schizophrenia, as it is a disease few people understand.

I have a twin brother who suffers from the illness. My family has over the years done what we could to get him help & attention.

Recently, his living situation has deteriorated in Seattle. The organization is threatening to leave him homeless if we do not come up with money to support his ongoing care. This is cruel. We are trying to resolve this as best we can, but as we aren't wealthy, we realize this is a dilemma that will get worse.

Also, over the years, we've seen a total decline in my brother's care at [Name deleted] Family Services and we believe they are "pushing him out" as we are not one of the "wealthy" families who can afford to give them money.

This organization is supposed to help those in need but in reality it really only helps those with money.

I write to you in hopes you may direct me to what you know of positive and safe housing, care, assisted living situations for the mentally ill. The immediate family, my son and I as well as my sister and her two children wish to return to the east coast. We are in Seattle but plan to relocate and will seek housing in the NY State vicinity.

I am simply seeking guidance in this from intelligent, caring, educated folks as yourself in hopes I will be directed to the proper channels. I've appealed to various organizations but thus far haven't been successful.

Thank you for any information you may have and your time and consideration of this matter.

Sincerely, Elissa Lipman

(A Fellow Advocate for the Mentally Ill Rights & Education for the Public on this Issue.)

35.

Sir:

Although Sigmund Freud was right about almost everything, he could not find the cause of schizophrenia. I have read one fantastic theory after another about it's origin, but I have not read anything about the real cause.

Schizophrenia is not inherited, it can be cured with psychoanalyses and the cause is quite similar to the 1948 Fromm-Friedman about the cold mother. This theory is only 50 per cent correct, since it has a missing link (It's quite simple, there is no riddle, no mystery.)

I am tired of all of these fantastic theories that are portraying these people as some kind of deformed monsters or some kind of creatures from outer space.

The madness has to stop. The treatment of schizophrenia is a trillion dollar business, and the forces who are profiting are the ones doing this and many, for profit, have joined them.

Having 4 close members of my family with severe mental illness, has given me insight and I discovered the cause 35 years ago.

[ female – no name given ]

34.

January 02, 2008 3:07 pm
Subject: Bearded Lady

What a great thing you have done!! I am only up to 65, but surely I will finish, as you have done such a wonderful job. (I might hesitate to say, only a man could get someone to take his scribbled notes and make it into a book!)

I have just spent the last 2 years of my life editing and publishing the works of a man who is paralyzed on one side from aftermaths of a stroke after years of alcoholism. First was Times Queer, then several other chapbooks, and a novel Vienna Dolorosa (www.ViennaDolorosa.com) but the one I'm working on now, Holy Communion, is really his first novel and by far the most revealing. His conflicts with homosexuality and being sexually used as a child come through, of course, in much of his writing. I wrote an Afterword in the first two; I think I'll leave HC alone to speak for itself. Very powerful stuff.

I was trained in sex therapy by an ego-analytic sex therapist in Berkeley CA, and tho I haven't practiced for a number of years, I still find it all fascinating (as I did with Kinsey in my teens, Kraft von Ebing in my twenties, etc). Btw, I found you looking up dysthymic in Answers.com for my author/friend (he seemed particularly under the weather today). You were very clever to include your book on that page.

Again, thanks for all your hard work and that of your colleagues.

Sally Miller
Sally@SallyMiller.com

The rights of the best of men are secured only as the rights of the vilest and most abhorrent are protected.

[ Chief Justice Charles Evans Hughes, 1927 ]

33.

Mr Mahoney,

I spotted the ad for your book in the PAW (I'm from class of '64). Have only had the chance to read excerpts, but hope to find and peruse the book shortly (I don't usually pay new book prices, but may have to make an exception in this case).

By any chance, do you know Leonard Frank of San Francisco, a brilliant expatient now in his 70's who has also published Quotations – you could google him and his Quotationery, which is on the net?

Are you otherwise in contact with any members of the (sadly, extremely feeble politically) expatient and dissident professional movement?

In response to a description of your book by the publisher, I submitted the following to a Medical news site.

with best regards,
Ron Thompson, Fairfax, VA,
ronthompson4@cox.net
ps I'm also deeply impressed with the form your philanthropy has taken.

---------------------------------------

First, I want to get out of a minor 'straitjacket,' for I am neither a "health care professional" nor exactly a mere "member of the public" either.

I am a former voluntary mental patient (1964-1966), an alumnus of McLean Hospital who had the same psychiatrist as Sylva Plath – Ruth Tiffany Barnhouse (then Ruth Beuscher) who, to my immense (but then utterly oblivious) good fortune, neither subjected me to, nor advised me, to undergo either insulin treatment or shock, both of which were endured by SP, voluntarily and involuntarily. What is truly frightening is that if Barnhouse had advised either one, I was in such psychological and physical pain that I would have demanded them immediately, to my probable permanent physical and psychological injury (never mind the effect if I had been attacked with these procedures).

Independently of the relative and partial success of my voluntary semi-psychoanalytical therapy, I later became a longtime (1986-present) opponent of any psychiatric forced treatment, or, more accurately, the use of force IN THE NAME OF TREATMENT (this more exact phrasing is to acknowledge that the use of force may sometimes be unavoidable in madness situations, but that we should not, and doctors should not, lie to themselves that the exclusive or primary reason for intervention is to 'help' the person whose behavior is suppressed.

I am also – and have a long resume to back this up – a critic of the fundamentally flawed theory (which has become dogma) that 'now we know all mental illness is due to a brain defect or 'chemical imbalance'. Looked at with strict scientific objectivity, we know no such thing. Even if there is some circumstantial evidence, we have no definitive proof, with the tragic result that this limited and inconclusive evidence is used to justify both the biological theory of mental illness, and the moral legitimacy of forced treatment.

The universal acceptance of these two dogmas has done enormous harm not only to countless individuals, but to our basic knowledge of Human Nature.

And so this book, although it may involve some seemingly bizarre and even surrealistic readings, starting with its title, seems to be an enormous breath of fresh air and humanistic good sense. I also, for a number of reasons, basically agree with the underlying theory offered by author Mahoney.

Last, if his theory is right, it should be noted that like any other great truth about human nature – such as the theory of the "inalienable rights" of all human beings – it can never be proven by strictly scientific methods. Like the value and necessity of the concept of inalienable rights, we will either come to just know it ... or not.

For these reasons I give the review a 5.

32.

Please, a short comment on your book ...

I am so sure that your book and those who contributed to it have been served well by its publication. I can absolutely agree that within this culture sexual orientation and sexual expression are so terribly repressed and distorted, and I've had friends who have been so abused for their same-sex love – that of course the trauma of the abuse and the resulting sense of powerlessness as far as effective rebuttal creates a need for a separate reality. I myself created this separate reality within myself and I understand. But I am not ambiguous about my need to create loving nests with men. My dissatisfaction with my own sex has to do with the distortions around what being a woman is supposed to look like and a pressure to endlessly and brutally enforce a preoccupation with appearance and child-rearing.

I hate women's arrogance to women in these areas. What a waste! So it is not gender, but power that I feel strangled in expressing. But much love to you.

Sheila Blinn
sheila.blinn@goddard.edu

31.

Dear Mr. Mahoney,

Your book has a challenging thesis relying on observations and writings of many eminent psychologists and other thinkers of the 20th Century. Whether your main thesis is to be disputed or accepted, it should not be ignored.

Yet I have not seen any reviews by psychologists or psychiatrists. If your book has been shunned because you are not in their "guild," that is deplorable.

Of course, restricting actual practice to those certified in a legitimate way in some fields such as medicine, surgery, pharmacy, nursing, and to a lesser extent, law and engineering can be justified.

But what you are offering is a theoretical understanding of the etiology of a mental condition, and it deserves discussion in a variety of fields. Contributions from "outsiders" have long been important for science, historically. If a thoughtful and informed person's ideas are ignored only because of a lack of "standing" in a "peerage" or status system, this does not bode well for future intellectual discourse.

P. D. Moncrief Jr.
pdmoncrief@yahoo.com

30.

Dear JB,

Many thanks for your email. I am very sorry to hear you have been struggling with schizophrenia for some time now. I hope my website has been of some help to you. If you have any questions I might be able to help answer, pls let me know. In the meantime take the best of care and never give up hope.

Very best regards,
Mike Mahoney

---------------------------------------

On October 3, 2007 at 3:36am -0500, you wrote:

Dear Sir,

I have been struggling with writings for some time. I came across your site while researching an illness that took 20 years for me to discover. I surely have it and now understand my writing. I am somewhat elated to have found your site. Not to go into much detail at the moment. I hope we can communicate. I thought no one could understand the insanity my life is. It has become very serious as of late. My fears aren't haven't been for myself but those I care for. I too can explain my illness and why I have it. From reading your site I also see that the world may not hear my words simply because they'll mistake their deafness for my madness.

In hopes of collaboration,
- JB

29.

I read about your book, but have not bought it. I don't know if I am offended or intrigued. I wrote a screenplay about my own schizophrenic father and had a story about him on MTV. I guess I won't fully know what I think about what you are saying unless I read it, but I think I am too offended to look LOL! I want to be open minded and if you fully knew about my father you would know why I am afraid to read it.

Well take care.
Stephanie

Summary about Daughter of a Rogue
By Stephanie Lynn Hilpert

Stephanie Lynn Hilpert has been going into parks and desolate areas to find her homeless/paranoid schizophrenic father since she was 14 years old. She had footage on MTV News Unfiltered about her and her father's story. He thinks he is the second son of God and hangs out with Job from the bible in his mind, and Mary Magdalene. When Stephanie was in her twenties she applied for disability for her father, took him to his doctor appointments and after a year, he got it, but still refused to live in a house. He poured his medication out the day he got his money.

He thinks a sheriff named Haun is following him in a helicopter all of the time. He thinks Stephanie is a lesbian and will go to hell where people will urinate on her if she doesn't stop her lesbianism. He thinks the Mexican mafia is after him. Stephanie had to stop going out there, because he was getting more and more volatile and was recently arrested for terrorist threats. He was self medicating with drugs and getting worse and worse.

He is still out there and calls Stephanie on the phone regularly. She hopes to sell her screenplay "Daughter of a Rogue" to raise awareness about the fact the 90% of the homeless are mentally ill.

[ CHAPTER 4 – DAD ]

My dad's schizophrenia seems like a worse case scenario. He is so delusional. His delusions are getting more and more obscene which I find interesting and disgusting as his daughter. When I was much younger, I was so offended and could hardly listen to him at times. Sometimes I would laugh. It would shock me into laughter. I guess it was my way of coping. I never seem to laugh now.

What interests me most is my father's fascination with Jesus. You might say that's nothing new in schizophrenics. My dad used to say "Jesus is a black man, hair like wool. Love Jesus, pray to Jesus." Then Jesus betrayed him some where down the line. The interesting part was when my dad screamed "Jesus tried to make me suck his dick"! Now Jesus has been a "queer" to my dad ever since. My dad is very homophobic. If a man touches my dad, he will break his arm. Now back to Jesus. Where did their relationship go wrong in his mind? What happened? I have wondered if my dad is an oppressed homosexual, I'm not going to lie. Did my dad have a delusional, homosexual encounter with Jesus and now he is ashamed? It's all I can wonder when he says things constantly about queers, they have no dick and balls, men take from my energy, but women and children giveth and the famous "Jesus tried to make me suck his dick"! He goes on and on about queers. I hope he is never angry that I wrote this. I love him and would never be ashamed of him whether he were gay or not.

My dad is very manipulative. He isn't stupid at all. I hate that they put all personalities of schizophrenics in this little box and they decide that is how they act. It's not true. They are individuals. Sure there are characteristics that define the disease, but they still have individual personalities trust me. Like my dad does feel love. I've seen him hurt. I've seen him feel guilt, but that is slowly going away with the years and the drug use. Drugs make schizophrenia so much worse. They self medicate and become this monster that can't be helped. They become a creature surrounded by creatures. You have to be sure all the creatures don't hurt you even though they seem to tear at you emotionally.

Stephanie Lynn Hilpert

28.

hello my name is [deleted] i have schhizophrenia ive had it for almost 8 years before that im not sure of im still learning to deal with my moods changing they cahnge all the time i find its really hard im know finding out on my own that i have probally got more wrong with me than i ever knew its going to be really nice when i get to the bottom of this when i really can relax and not have to worry well i will still worry but atleast i wont be having as much problems its just really hard to cope with everyday life when it doint help when i dont be honest with my docotr tis really hard i really want to get to know people with the same things that im dealing with it would be so nice to be able to relate to someone without them thinking your crazy thats really hard deailing with that. well anyways im going to go you can contact me at [deleted] that is if you want to answer back or make coments.

27.

Are you crazy? how dare you do this to my family?????? you are God how can you do this to us human beings??? Why???? please tell me why did you let her change the time and slice my soul in two? why did you show your face in the bar??

we are just human beings how can you give her all the tools for a massacre ... put yourself in my shoes ...

[ Name deleted for privacy reasons ]

A personal communication from a young schizophrenic man who lives with his schizophrenic mother. One of the symptoms of his schizophrenia is alcohol/drug addiction. (See Impressions, page 2, item 6.)

26.

Bearded Lady Syndrome!!!!!!!????????

I have had severe anxiety, depression, and depersonalization/derealization (dissociative symptoms you probably know nothing about). I have been ill most of my life – I'm now 48.

I have volunteered for years in Mental Health day care centers, am a consumer member of NAMI, read extensively on mental illness, etc. (My mother was a psychiatrist, my father a surgeon).

There is so much proof that schizophrenia is a brain disorder I am astounded that you cling to old psychoanalytic theories on the topic. I have met individuals with schizophrenia, many, through NAMI. They do not fit your profile in the least, especially the comparison with Zelda and F. Scott Fitzgerald! You're back in the day of the "schizophrenegenic mother" – the stone age of psychiatry. I've lived through the foolishness of psychoanalysis myself. It only served to hinder any return to functioning.

I have had more positive results with medication and CBT.

It seems YOU are afraid to look at what is an obvious brain disorder that is not only comprised of positive and negative symptoms, but of cognitive difficulties, difficulties reading social cues, problems with hearing voices that have been found to have a neurological origin.

Shame on you for not examining the huge mass of literature in various medical journals using the scientific method, using modern brain scan equipment, surgery on brain-damaged patients where certain symptoms can be created. (Brain trauma, epilepsy, deep brain stimulation, etc.)

I KNOW schizophrenics. They would be disgusted to hear your theory. Most HATE their medications, and they are NOT a cure, but they wouldn't go without them. Their quality of life is greatly improved. There are individuals with schizophrenia and other mental disorders who are successful in many fields – you would never know who they are as they must keep that stigma a secret. And they aren't battling a sexual crisis that caused their illness!

I could ramble on infinitely. Have you read the work of V.S. Ramachandran, M.D., Ph.D? Oliver Sacks, M.D.? Then you know absolutely NOTHING about the complexity of the human brain. NOTHING.

Shame on you.

[ Name deleted for privacy reasons ]

25.

Subject: true schizophrenia

Hello i would like to say first of all that i am a true schizophrenic and the topic of your book has deffenitely caught my eye for several reasons. I do know what it like to be possessed by a spirit of the opposite sex. I personally find it hell. how ever i also walk with the lord, not to mention my love for the male body. well any way i just want to say that I always have intrusive schizo thoughts popping in and out of my brain some sick and perverted and anitchrist like. but what is important to know is the all the schizo's in the world are chosen people. and if you know anything about being a true christian you know that sufforing is part of the deal when you follow him with true devotion. so i pray it away and i tell my demon inside to kiss my ass and get the hell behind me. i do not accept it, or any other perverse mind flash i have. i strongly recommend this to other sufforing with this illness. i find it not but a moment later that god lets me know he loves me and thanks me for holding on to what i know.

Peace
[ Name deleted for privacy reasons ]

24.

Dear Mr. Mahoney,

I have purchased your book in e-book format – I suppose due to a bit of manic impatience! One of my dreams is to speak to groups of mental health professionals, and I will definitely work to increase awareness of your book. The big money is currently being misdirected to genetic and pharmaceutical research, as evidenced by the Heinz Prechter Fund and the Stanley Medical Research Institute, which just awarded $100 million to Harvard University over the next 10 years.

You have performed a great service. May the current generation of practitioners be educated to the truth!

Best regards,

[ Name deleted for privacy reasons ]

23.

I have read your book in detail twice. I will be 76 in May and am married for the second time for 14 years to a wonderful woman. Her youngest son is 31 and has been showing most of the signs indicated in your book in one form or another for all of that time. In and out of hospitals and diagnosed with Schizophrenia, etc.

I am convinced that your theory is correct.

Do you know of anyone in the medical field who believes as you do and is currently willing to see new patients?

I hope to hear from you. [ Name deleted for privacy reasons ]

22.

I first noticed this book in a magazine and responded to the theory with some skepticism. After thinking about it for awhile I had what Nathaniel Branden might call an "ah ha" experience and ordered the book.

I wanted to see where Mr. Mahoney was getting some of his information so I requested a copy of Dr. Edward Kempf's presentation "Bisexual Factors in Curable Schizophrenia" given at the annual meeting of the American Psychiatric Association on May 18, 1948. This is a man who had been treating mental illness and specifically schizophrenia for most of his medical years. I have been unable to find anyone who followed his theory to either confirm or dispute it.

Mr. Mahoney asked in his statement of purpose, "Why has the scientific community been so stubborn in resisting this hypothesis? Why has this hypothesis been catalogued as just one of many inconclusive theories which attempts to explain madness?" I wonder why also.

During Dr. Kempf's presentation he stated that, "I am quite sure that it would be easy to demonstrate these factors in any case and often within an hour of investigation." Where are the reviews of this theory? In my searching, why can't I find anyone in the medical profession that disputes this with confidence? Is one hour too much to ask of the medical establishment to see if there is any credibility in Dr. Kempf's statement?"

I think that after all the years and work that J. Michael Mahoney has given to possibly improving the lives of thousands, he and the theory deserve an answer. [ Name deleted for privacy reasons ]

21.

Dear Mr. Mahoney

A BIG THANK YOU!!!

For creating "The Bearded Lady Disease." It is needed, so very much needed!!! Now what is needed is how latent homosexuality affects sane normal people. Arno Gruen's book "The Insanity of Normality" proved that obviously mad people did less harm to society than the so called sane normal people. Like power hungry sane people that ran the Vietnam War three months longer so they could be elected president. I believe latent homosexuality causes half as much problem normal part of society. Not the obviously mad schizophrenic individual. J. Edgar Hoover, Adolph Hitler, both half faggots – and power hungry. And both considered sane. Both caused great harm to others. Why?

My theory is they needed power over others to feel macho. Both hated faggots. You can not love or hate anything unless you know something of it. But with enough power the fagatory feelings would never surface. But let one of these individuals lose his power and he's castrated. He feels like committing suicide. Without his power he's nothing. This same problem exists at all levels of our society at a lesser degree.

Now we need a follow up to the "Bearded Lady Disease" that will fully explain how much trouble is caused by unresolved latent homosexual feelings in so called sane individuals. "The National Disease" in Germany that went back over 300 years caused problems for Germany and the world. In 1961 my younger son had an operation. He was 4 years old. The nurse was saying, you are a little man! You are not going to cry! You are macho! I thought, what is this? A 4 year old boy is macho? Then I ask her, are you from Germany? Yah! Even the women in Germany are macho! God help us!

I was a master sergeant in the Korean War. I felt very macho and proud! I was somebody! Years later, I was a private and I felt like a weak faggot homosexual. A castrated nobody! I loved being in charge, same disease as Alexander Haig has. I hated the military. I loved being in charge. But when I was in charge I did not know I hated the military. I thought I loved the military. Picture this combat infantryman's badge on a poster with bold letters under it "The mark of a man" "What's it worthy to feel like a man?" "Be all you can be join the new regular army." With posters like this all over the United States, can you imagine how many half faggots volunteer just so they can feel like a man??? They would gladly die just so they could feel like a man!

The French foreign legion knows – understands this. They are the masters at making the best soldiers in the world out of half faggots.

Mr. Mahoney, I will sum up now. I'm 76 years old, imprisoned 25 years and 7 months, set off by the parole board 6 times I'll be reviewed again in October of 2011 – at that time I'll be age 81. My work deals with consciousness and identity. Any individual not aware of his latent homosexuality does not know who he is. I feel I have something to give others that's inside me that has not come out yet. I've worked so hard over the years with so little to show for it ...

... I have hopes of starting a class soon. I wish you every success. I look forward to hearing from you.

[ Name deleted for privacy reasons ]

20.

Hello Mr. Mahoney ...

I just want to tell you that I am happy I came upon the advertisement of your book in the magazine "Psychology Today" which I subscribe to ... and which led me to read more about the subject and theory of your book.

I have a beloved 31 yr. old daughter who was born my son but has lived as my daughter (transgendered) since she was 21 years old. She was diagnosed with a mild form of schizophrenia shortly after she began to live as a transgendered person. I have gone through much grief and heartache trying to understand why this happened to my child ... and wondered if it was somehow my fault, as I raised her as a single parent with hardly any extended family around us.

Anyway, now I have something to read that I think will explain so much of the why ... and frankly, I have thought exactly what your book states to be the reason for her mental turmoil and gender confusion but did not entertain the idea much because of ignorance on subject matter. I am again studying courses in psychology since I have gone back to college to complete a degree in psychology/sociology.

Thank you for writing this thought provoking book ... I am definitely going to purchase it and feel that it will give me much insight and understanding into my child's psychological turmoil. I learned quite a bit just from reading the introduction here on your site.

Thanks again.

[ Name deleted for privacy reasons ]

P.S. My daughter takes psych drugs, but I wish she could/would receive psychoanalytical counseling. I realize as you say ... these drugs are just bandaids for the real repressed issues of conflict in her subconscious.

19.

ITS ALMOST IMPOSSIBLE TO FIND INFO., ON THIS? THIS IS VERY REAL, RIGHT? MY GIRL FRIEND HAS THIS! WE ARE NOT GAY, WE LIVE A HETEROSEXUOL LIFE-NO SHE DOESNT TRY AN DRESS/ACT LIKE A MAN-I HAVE SEEN IT AND ITS SO MUCH DEEPER THAN THAT! MY HEART ACHES 4 HER (IF ONLY U OR ANYONE COULD SEE HER PAIN BUT ME AN HER HANDLE HER HARD TIMES, BUT IS THERE HELP? Basically, she says i was put in the "wrong box". Her behavior, personality, thoughts, actions are that which u would perceive from a male. it s eerie, how much everything about her is male. Is this a disorder, possibly from defective chromosomes? Or genetic disorder—-(if indeed there r defective crhosomes. Is this considered mental illness?

[ Name deleted for privacy reasons ]

18.

Sent October 10, 2006:

I sure appreciate your support, Mike. When I came across your website on the net it was an eureka moment for me. I used to think that my type of insanity was unique to me, but you have compiled all of this evidence of a common thread.

[ Name deleted for privacy reasons ]

17.

Dear JM,

I'm a neighbor up here in [deleted], and I recently purchased and read your book. Great! Congratulations, you've distilled the wisdom and experience (often inadvertent) of many sources to make your case, and you've made it.

What a long-term project! You have a lot of heart to have conceived and produced this book. The book will do it's work but, knowing the embedded nature and resistance to change of the "healing arts," it will probably take some while for your truths to become manifest in the day-to-day treatment of schizoids. And that's a shame.

I'm [an executive of a music company], I'm in a different field than you the researcher and writer, but, I see examples of the bipolar sexuality all the time in my business; creative artists are often the most damaged humans, especially with respect to those internal splits you illuminate. You would appreciate my experience in that area, just from the musically creative front, I could give you another chapter's worth of input!

Sometime I'd like to chat with you on the phone or over a drink here in [deleted] or [deleted]. If you like I can be reached at [deleted] or send me your number and I'll give you a shout when I get back from taking my wife and kids back [deleted] this week. My boys are uncircumcised, you and I are in agreement in more than one area.

Thanks for writing the book,

Best,

[ Name deleted for privacy reasons ]

16.

On November 20, 2006:

HELLO, I HAVE A 51 YEAR OLD SCHIZOPHRENIC SISTER, PRIOR TO HER BEING DIAGNOSED, AND SINCE, SHE THINKS SHE IS A LESBIAN, ALTHOUGH WHENEVER A REALLY HANDSOME GUY COMES ALONG, (LIKE A MOVIE STAR) SHE GOES GAGA. IS IT HER WAY OF COPING WITH LONELINESS, AS SHE HAS NO FRIENDS, OR CAN IT BE TRUE?

15.

Hello,

I have found on the internet some excerpts from your book on schizoprenia. It is very interesting. I am shocked to find that people like Sylvia Plath or Hemingway may have suffered from it. I once had an psychotic episode. I was brained washed on the interent for a period of six months, after that I had delusions that the person who did it was transmitting messages to me through people on the radio, through letters that I was being observed. I was isolating myself from people. Was it schizophrenia? My psychiatrist couldn't tell me this.

Sincerely,

[ Female- name deleted for privacy reasons ]

14.

Hello, I will make this brief as I don't want to take up too much of your time. I have recently read up about Bearded Lady Disease online. I was diagnosed with Bipolar type one after psychotic episodes I had last year. Is it truly possible I could cure my disease with psychotherapy? I had strong male-male friendships while young that I broke off when they became too intimate. I had early and lasting sexual attraction to women but a powerful homosexual crush in high school. I put it out of my mind in college and later when a female love interest I was obsessed with rejected me I began growing psychotic. I have undergone such terrible pains with this disorder, and any advice you have for me (I will buy the book, but otherwise) would be greatly appreciated. Thank you very much.

Sincerely,

[ Name deleted for privacy reasons ]

13.

Dear Michael Mahoney,

I had just completed working the last year on a memoir of my life when I saw your book advertised in The New York Times. I ordered it immediately because the subject is of deep interest to me. I was diagnosed by two psychiatrists (and the Minnesota Multiple Personality Test) in my mid-twenties as paranoid schizophrenic. In therapy for the past forty years I have grappled with emotional problems and struggled to put together the pieces of the puzzle that would give me "the big picture." The thesis of your book sums up the major issues of my life. A struggle with sexual identity and attempt to accept the feminine and homosexual side of myself I have had such ambivalence (and deep fear) about.

I wrote my book because I felt a deep responsibility to share what I found, in my struggle, with others who may suffer the same debilitating life handicaps and grief. Having now completed the book I stand unsure as to what to do with it. I wonder if the world has any interest in my story and frankly I wonder if I am ready to reveal these dark aspects of my life to my family (a wife and [number deleted] children) and to the community in which I live. On the other hand it has almost been my life's work to get to the bottom of these problems that have wreaked such havoc on my life. Like you I deplore the current turning away from looking at the real issues with the biochemical prescriptions to the problem. On the other hand I understand the degree of pain, time and resources that are involved with confronting what seem like life threatening feelings and make such a quick, easy alternative seem like an appealing solution. On a cultural level the women's movement seems to have made some contribution to encouraging women to embrace their masculine side. I see no comparable movement of men to embrace their feminine side (outside of the gay community).

Anyway I applaud your considerable efforts and achievement in focusing light on this issue.

Sincerely,

[ Name deleted for privacy reasons ]

12.

On September 16, 2006 [Name deleted] wrote:

Thank you for writing your book Mr. Mahoney. I have read everything at your website and ordered the book a couple of days ago. I had a series of episodes back in the 70's and I saw a sexual connection with the bisexual confusion and or conflict. It seemed like every time I would start to fall in love with some girl an episode would begin. Finally when I was around 30 in '81 I met up with this one girl when I was in the middle of an episode. She moved in with me and within 4 or 5 days the paranoia and delusions subsided and I was sleeping normally again. That was the last breakdown I had for 20 years. I was able go back to college and get a degree. I got married and had a couple of kids. I got divorced about 7 years ago. About a month after the 9/11 thing happened I went thru another mild episode. I was familiar with the symptoms and was able to make it thru without any medication.

[ Name deleted for privacy reasons ]

11.

For 30 years I have been a psychiatrist in public practice. Ever since my medical residency, my professional-passion has been to better understand, and to try to help those many fellow citizens who have been labeled as nearly incurable: those labeled as Schizophrenic, and those with so-called severe Borderline Personality Disorder, and/or those with severe PTSD.

Your comprehensive compendium of Quotations is more than intelligent. Its Heart beats upon a universal Drum. I cannot thank you enough for your years of creative work which it required! Your references to political figures such as Hitler, Stalin, Mao, PolPot, and many others seem, to me, to touch only one tip of our current cultural-iceberg.

With much respect,

[ Name Withheld, an American physician, and psychiatrist ]

10.

Crazy maybe but part of me loved this book the other part hated it! Molloy "Fyte! Wit 2 HAMS!"

[ Source: Amazon.com ]

9.

My name is [Name withheld]. I haven't read your book yet but the title and short description gave me a good idea of what it is about. At first I was outraged and then I had a good laugh and then ... well ... I haven't had a good cry yet but I'm sure it's coming.

I suffer from Paranoid Schizophrenia. Mr. Mahoney, I love men. I love their bodies and everything that goes along with them – good and bad. However, I have been tempted to be with women because it would be easier than being with a man ...

Men have the ability to break my glass heart into a thousand shards. Women, on the other hand, I feel nothing for them other than someone to dominate and feel powerful around them. I have never slept with a woman but I have thought about it. I have resisted because I know it is all about power and I'm not comfortable doing that to someone.

I believe – One Hundred Percent – that this disease is because of generations of sin. (Not just my sins but the sins of my father and his father and so on.) I had become so morally dirty that I had opened myself up to spiritual deadness, moral decay, evil spirits. Ask me why I know this ... because the voices came right out and told me! They kept saying "You died, [Name withheld] ... You died." I would say, "If I'm dead, where's my grave? Show me that I'm dead!" Finally one day they simply said softly, "You are spiritually dead, [Name withheld]." And when I heard that little voice say that, I knew it was true.

For years now I have been trying to compile my story and everything that happened to me but I'm not a writer or a movie maker but if you heard my story you would be inspired to write it down.

Mr. Mahoney, I will buy your book and read it but I have the feeling that I've already lived the stories that are in it. It's much more than just bisexuality. It's about the systematic erosion of the soul. Free will gone wild.

I don't know how busy you are ... do you read your own email or do you have an assistant? Don't really know. I would like to be a part of your next book. "Spiritual Deadness"

I am looking forward to your response.

Thanks and regards.
[ Name Withheld ]

8.

Easy to read, and a wonderful research tool.

[ Mental-Health-Matters.com ]

Well, I would write more but I think I have bored you enough, but it must be interesting to hear from one of the family from a book you included in your bibliography. To repeat as I said, your book is written extremely well and is a tremendous contribution to the study of schizophrenia.

[ Charles Antin, New York ]

7.

In Schizophrenia: The Bearded Lady Disease, Mike Mahoney offers an outside the envelope approach to this regrettable staple of today's psychological problems. Mahoney's question, answer, and case study approach reflects serious thought, yielding a productive and fascinating read for any one interested in the mental illness that plagues today's society.

[ Eugene R. Baker, New York ]

6.

I am a 21 year old schizophrenic male living in ... I always suspected I was going to suffer from the illness until there was a break when I was 17 (prodrome) and my first psychotic break on valentines day age 20.

I´ve always supported the hypothesis of gender role confusion and agree with Freud, Schreber. I spend my time on the computer reading about the illness and have discovered lots of things myself before reading them on the internet. I have this hope that I might solve the riddle or get cured as I have some advantages which first is the illness itself, always been interested in psychology and studied it in university, and I am/or partially a highly intelligent individual in domains where the illness has not damaged. I am analytical as well.

This summer has changed my life. I had lots of stress and I spent some time living with my father. He used to take me for drinks to the bar under his home. This was the last times I felt like me. I used to drink beer and talk with everyone in the bar (males). I was totally charming, funny and intelligent and interesting to talk to. Everybody wanted to know about me as I was totally different and emotionally free. However the last days it became clear, so to say, I was not a man rather a kid or a feminine hermaphrodite psyche (what the hell, a bearded lady!). He was spirited. Comments of "lady" or homosexual were suggested although not in a hostile manner rather in a friendly way. Since then I haven't been the same and everyone in the bar sort of misses that special/eccentric wonder-kid. After those spirited beer drinking days I had a psychotic episode which was different to the ones I had before as I had it during day time and not at night when I lie down to sleep.

It lasted 3 days, no eating and no sleeping. After that I think I might have violently repressed those qualities/tendencies and I felt libido energy rising from the end of the back towards the brain (hallucination?). I feel I have forced myself into being a man, however since then I am unable to feel like I were myself and affect has also been blocked so I have problems with all the friends/family I had before that violent psychotic break.

I think it is pretty clear that your hypothesis applies to me perfectly and I would like to offer you my acquaintance to support your research. I am ready to devote my life to solving this riddle and I am sure I can help you in your research if you would like to start a dialogue thru email and I am sure as well you could help me.

Furthermore, I am son of a schizophrenic mother and a neurotic father. I have noted sexuality issues in all mentally disturbed people I know. Paranoia definitely is repressed homosexual libido and psychosis is discharge of the libido although in a toxic manner.

Pleading to God you might find my acquaintance valuable and worthwhile.

Perhaps we can complete the puzzle.

[ Name Withheld ]

5.

Your book arrived yesterday ... I have dipped into many parts of it and am intrigued by the scope and richness of the Quotations ... a most unorthodox format, to be sure, but I find it makes the text much more accessible than would a more traditional structure ... other scholars in the field may give you a good deal of grief about your take on schizophrenia, but if you can find ways to get the book into the hands of lay readers with a personal interest in the topic, it may find a wide audience.

[ Talton Ray, Publisher, The Francis Press, Washington, DC ]

4.

Thank you for the book you wrote on schizophrenia. I read it cover to cover and am amazed at how much history it contained. You have certainly reinforced your theory with multiple examples and analysis. I enjoyed it very much.

[ Diana D. Parnell, M.D., Northern California ]

3.

There may be an editor or an influential person who shares the thought that the field of mental health needs to be stirred up... there is much to be angry about. We still have many thousands of mentally ill wandering the streets much as they did centuries ago. So much has changed with so little real change.

[ Vid Beldavs, Authors' Representative, Indiana ]

2.

You - sir - are the one whose passion for this work is so evident. How long have you been working on it? Amazing! I am sure there will be many in this field who will welcome and cherish your years of effort to provide this incontrovertible proof.

[ Jane Robbins, Northern California ]

1.

All those whose attention has been caught by the strange contradictions inherent in sexuality will be delighted to read "SCHIZOPHRENIA: THE BEARDED LADY DISEASE." The shock in print that the whole life of men and women, in all social conditions, turns about the junction of the sexes as a pivot is electrifying, and gives insights into personal, unconscious misunderstandings.

I can admit along with Proust that "our social personalities are created by the thoughts of other people." We differ in our powers to feel. The instinctive witness has felt "the keen desire and very urgent need," as Remy de Gormont calls it when discussing the sameness of sex throughout the animal kingdom, which "if unsatisfied produces an inquietude which may increase until a momentary madness takes hold of the animal and throws it blindly upon all sorts of illusions and hallucinations."

J. Michael Mahoney's documentary confirms Dr. Edward J. Kempf's hypothesis, "that in man every case of emotional neurosis or psychosis is the result of more or less conflict and confusion involving bisexual differentiation."

Mr. Mahoney's narrative divulges the rejected wisdom he discovered in his researches by uncovering dusty specimens of the largely neglected and rejected old psychiatry, which provides the cornerstone for understanding mental illness, presented in an album of selected writings and interviews with mental patients, doctors and artists, meshed with the author's insightful, informative commentary. This salubrious book adds to the dignity and significance of each life, and further provides the reader with an excellent bibliography.

Five out of five for this sensational book and many thanks to the author for writing it.

[ John H. Perrill, Coauthor, The Adventures of Talldorf and Small ]